Grief of losing someone close is insidious, it creeps under your skin and becomes a part of you before we even realise, and it’s also like Glitter; no matter how much you try to clean it up, tiny parts of it still remain tucked in corners of your heart. I heard a lot about life’s unpredictability and how you should live and enjoy each moment while it lasts, how you should keep your loved ones always close to you. How you should never take them for granted because once they leave, they leave with so much love and pain in your heart, and all you experience is guilt of not being there enough, of not being sincere enough, of not being a good friend enough.
Experiencing all of that, realising so much through this heartbreak in such a short span of time. Hope my friend, Nabs, you now find the Peace and the Love that you always looked for in this cruel, cruel world. You taught me so much about life- Life is short. So, love your people so much and so hard that they crave for your pure vibes which they cry for later in your absence. You taught me that ‘Unconditional Love’ is alone enough to define you and survive through the miseries. You always spread positivity and disguised your pain behind that angelic smile of yours. Funny I knew you for more than a decade, and there were days you weren’t alright and we knew, We asked, You couldn’t open up. Maybe we didn’t deserve it enough and we understand. I wish I was there for you as much as you were there for others. Regrets !!
Your memories sneak out of my eyes & roll down my cheeks every day. Whenever I remember your beautiful smile, I also remember the blessed days we had that just belonged to us. There was a low point when I started growing close to you, & you were there for me, we talked for hours. I always thought that this girl deserves the best of both worlds. Although I loved you with my whole heart, I couldn’t make you stay. All these years of knowing you, I have your poems, your dreams, your warmth, your charisma, your hugs, your purity etched in my heart. Now, my heart aches but I try to smile for you. I wipe my tears and look at your photographs, try to go back in time, and laugh a little more.
I want to only remember you as an innocent child who contagiously laughed at every silly thing while leaning your head over my shoulder, who used to dance like no one’s watching, who used to love washroom selfies with her girls, who loved to read and write, who loved to love life. I want to remember you as an important part of my life; who always liked to see us happy, who always ‘SIGHED’ and blessed her folks, who was a true well-wisher, who always wanted to see me as a bride. (Gosh! I wanted you so bad at my wedding, but then ‘Sigh’)
I will never ever forget the innocent excitement on your face whenever we all used to meet. You truly cherished friendships with zero malice in your heart. Your long birthday notes, Your intricate posts about how you feel about your friends post hang outs with them. I now understand how lucky we were around you, but I believe and visualise you as an angel smiling like your usual self up amidst the stars. Damn ! I just can’t get that smile off my head since the day you passed on to a more beautiful world (because this one definitely wasn’t for you). You always knew how much I loved you. Hope you know I will always do.
You were a respected professor. You were a clean hearted gem. You were an incredible mentor for your lovely students. You were a caring daughter, loving sister, a fun aunt and much more. You were full of dreams.
You ‘are’ the definition of love.
You’ll be missed for eternity, my beautiful angel (what else we all have, but memories !) .
You left with too many lessons, mainly the importance of being a kind-person-no-matter-what in my heart. Thanks for being there when I needed a friend to talk to. It takes a BIG person to be who you were. I can never be close to that, but I will try, I will perhaps learn.
Sending your family and close ones warmth and prayers every second. Take Care wherever you are. Hope the gorgeous smile and glowing cheeks are still shining with glory.
Wish I could embrace you for the last time, My love- Nabs.
You definitely lived less but certainly loved more.
Rest in Peace.
HD Photographs clicked by Dipti Malhotra.
In pictures with Nabila: Sonal (Me), Dipti, Pratic.